Before we begin... I was a bit late in getting started and am really too tired to put in the full effort of finishing this in its entirety. I did the best I could with the lame preggo-brain I am working with. Being 33 weeks pregnant and working an my AA is exhausting enough without adding in the home business. the four kids at home and all the chores I am required to tend to.
Enjoy!
Evaluation:
1. Reflection: What did you set out to accomplish this year? What have you
done to cultivate your goals and your life? Did you intentions manifest during
the year?
This year, I set
out to accomplish remaining sane. Last June, we lost our full-term baby during
delivery and we were/are still recovering from that loss. Only time will tell.
2. Path: Some times the best path chooses you. -- Patrick Rhone What
path chose you this year?
The path of
motherhood chose me (again.) While it
took me a while to come around to the idea of possibly having another child
after losing Avery, I ultimately did want to hold a (my) baby again. I fell
pregnant the end of May under less than ideal circumstances, but here we are,
ready to meet this perfect little bundle come February. He was not planned and
was quite a surprised, but very much wanted.
3. Time: Time is a valuable resource. Did you spend your time wisely this
year? What can you do to cultivate more quality in your time during 2013?
I seem to never be
spending my time wisely anymore. I had intended to do this Cultivate thing
daily, then I decided I’d do it weekly. In the end, I am doing it now, on
December 23rd! I have had so much going on and so much that needs
doing, I honestly just have not had the time to even take a breath. Starting
early in 2013, we will be having a baby (in early February) and I have put in a
leave of absence from my higher education to spend some much needed quality
time with my family and especially with the new bundle of joy. I am not
required to return to my studies until the end of May.
4. Reframing: How are you framing yourself, your relationships, your
community, and your dreams? Could you reframe these as we enter 2013?
My husband is
excellent at framing. J
5. Lesson: We may have started this year with the best of intentions, but
plans may have gone awry. What lesson really jumped out at you this year? How
can you cultivate that lesson going forward?
What really struck
me this year was taking the time out to really enjoy the little things. Lately,
our four year old is running amok completely nude while it is below freezing outside.
I figure, she’s only four once… let her enjoy it while it lasts. At one point,
I really almost thought I would lose my husband before what would have been our
son Avery’s first birthday. Now, my husband is doing a million time better and
I had gotten hat positive pregnancy test just a week before our son’s birthday.
In some ways, that kept me from going off the deep end.
6. Letting Go: What do you need to let go of to cultivate your best life
in 2013?
I need to let go of
my anger. People tell me that it’s only hurting me and while I don’t believe it
is hurting me, I feel like it might be draining me. Grieving is so exhausting
and unfortunately, anger is part of the grieving process. This thing called
grief, it never ends. There are better days, even weeks, but the bad days still
come like it happened yesterday. I just don’t have to energy anymore.
Cultivating Self-Care:
7. Foodie Friday -- Cultivate Style: Food nourishes us. Some foods give us
more enjoyment than others. Some foods leave us feeling less than ourselves.
What foods nourished your soul and body this year? What food choices can you
make in 2013 to cultivate more self-care?
I found I felt much
more human, whole and sane when I was eating more whole foods. By whole foods,
I mean things like cheese, nuts, seeds, meat and most other dairy products.
Even the veggies fed my spirit and my soul. When I eat more processed foods, I
definitely feel more sluggish and that is a vicious cycle.
8. Health: How did you treat your body this year? You only get this one
vessel one time around. In what ways can you cultivate better health for your
body next year?
Next year, after
this baby comes, I will do my very best to control what I put into this body of
mine. If I only put in the good stuff, I will only get good stuff out of it.
For me, it’s not just about looking better, it’s about feeling better. No one
can feel good at 5’1” high and 180#. It’s just painful!
9. Healing: The Cultivate project is all about healing yourself. How have
you healed yourself, your relationships, and/ or your community this year? How
would you like to heal these aspects next year?
January 2012 proved to help my state
of mind more than I can ever express. On January 4th, I got my first
(and second) tattoo ever, Avery’s footprints atop my feet. Now he will walk
with me every step I take for the rest of my life. My relationships are mostly
good, a child or two and I keep butting heads, but that’s par for the course
when you’re a mother, I guess. At some point next year, I intend to get more
tattoos. That’s healing. Pain with a purpose.
10. What Matters Now: Cultivate is about living in the here and now. What
matters most to you right now? How are you going to nurture what matters during
2013?
What matters the most to me right
now is growing this perfect baby. The ability to sustain life within my own
body is an amazing thing and I am doing my best to cultivate this tiny human. I
will nurture him in 2013 with my breasts, my heart and my arms. He will be
snuggled, cuddled and loved more than he will probably like. J
11. Avoidance: Sometimes it's hard to face what needs to be accomplished.
What did you avoid this year? How can you make peace with your fears, concerns,
and distractions in order to face that one (or more!) thing(s)?
All year I have been avoiding even
starting on my assignments until shortly before their deadlines. Ack! Sometimes
I really do get in my own way. Why won’t these things start themselves? After
the baby is here and is worked into our lives and melds with us completely, I
think that I will have a naturally occurring peace of mind that will translate
to my being able to get through my second year of schooling.
12. Appreciate: Cultivate isn't about being in a constant state of
happiness -- it's about practicing happiness, much like you'd practice a sport
or musical instrument. How can you infuse more appreciation for the people,
places, and things that bring you joy?
Cultivating Relationships:
13. Parents: Whether they're still alive or long since passed, biological
or adopted, our parents were the first people to teach us about relationships.
How can you cultivate a stronger, healthier relationship with them? How can you
reconcile your past with your present and future?
I’m good here!
14. Significant Others: When we choose to become romantically involved
with someone, we're opening ourselves to a very deep relationship. How can you
nurture a healthy, loving relationship with your partner? If you're not
romantically involved with someone, you may choose to evaluate former
relationships to identify ways in which you'd like to nurture future relationships.
I’m good here, too! Hint:
communication, communication, communication!
15. Children: Perhaps you're a parent. Perhaps you're an aunt or uncle.
Perhaps you just associate with people who have kids of their own. Regardless
of how you're related, the way we interact with the children in our lives makes
a significant impact on their lives. Are you setting a good example? How can
you nurture the next generation?
I am not setting a good example. The
longer I am a parent, the shorter my fuse is in relation to putting up with
nonsense. The older my older kids get, the more I curse in front of them. It’s
to the point now, where my four year old, Autumn, is saying “shit” quite often
and yells at her brothers that she is going to “punch” them “in the ass.” Her
imagination plus + naughty words she hears = hilarious yet unattractive behavior
for a little girl. I really need to watch my potty mouth. Oops!
16. Friends: We need people who nurture us. Friends provide care, support,
encouragement, and enjoyment. Are you treating your friends in a nurturing,
supportive manner? How can you cultivate the friendships you hold dear?
I always treat my friends well and
do so as long as they are treating me well. This is similar to any other
relationship in your life, if you treat people badly, they will treat you
badly. When the situation arises, I do my best to be a sounding board for those
who need an ear. My goal is to do this without judgment and I have been pretty
successful to date. We are all unique individuals and what we have in common is
a desire to be wanted and loved. When one of us is down, another can bring us
back up to where we can breathe again. I would only hope that others would do
the same for me.
17. Co-workers: Unless you run your own business by yourself or stay at
home, chances are you interact with co-workers on a regular basis. How are you
cultivating camaraderie in the work place? What can you do to support your
co-workers?
The Mr. and I work very well
together.
18. Clients: Perhaps they're customers. Perhaps they're patients. Perhaps
they're clients. No matter what you call them, they are the reason you receive
a paycheck. How are you nurturing the people who give you (or your employer)
the money to support you? Are you cultivating a warm, welcoming environment for
your clients?
Our customers are always treated
with respect and dignity. If something is wrong with their order, it is my goal
to fix it and fix it quickly.
Cultivating Community:
19. Local Love: Supporting local business cultivates your community. Tell
us about a local business you discovered this year. What makes them stand out
from the crowd?
I have not discovered a new local
business, but have been continually supporting one we’ve known and frequented
for years. Abio’s Italian Restaurant
in Ocala, Florida is a great place to take your friends, family and co-workers
for a bite to eat. Al DiFeo serves up lunch and dinner, Italian Style, with
flair.
20. Community: (Because I still love Cali Harris' prompt from 2010!) Where have you
discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2012? What community would you
like to join, create, or more deeply connect with in 2013?
Late 2011 through all of 2012, I
have found more and more online communities through Facebook and connecting
with other grieving mothers than I ever thought was possible. This is a loss no
parent ever wants to endure, but unfortunately, it does happen. Pregnancy
loss/Stillbirth statistics report that in their lifetime, one in four women
will suffer a loss. ONE in FOUR!! That’s a big, scary number. I hate that they
exists, these online communities, but I am also glad they are there. Sometimes
you just need to vent and other have been there and they understand. They are
willing to sit by and listen to your story and offer you the emotional support
you need to make it through the day. In 2013, I do not plan to cultivate any
community. I have way too much on my plate!
21. Pay It Forward: Some days someone comes along to help us during a time
of need. Sometimes we get the honor of bestowing that gift to someone else. Who
paid it forward for you? Who did you pay it forward for? How can you pay in
forward in 2013?
A few months ago, I sent out
multiple handmade scarves to other baby-loss mommies and a close friend
recently sent me a Christmas care package. What goes around, comes around. You
do good for others, others will do good for you. If they don’t, Karma is
waiting… she’s a sneaky vindictive bitch, too. She will get you; it is only a
matter of time.
22. Support and Connect: We need to connect with a support group in our
community in case one of us falls on hard times. How strongly connected are you
and your support group? How can you cultivate support and connections next
year?
I’ve got nothing for this one.
23. Service: Community service sounds terrifying to some people, but it's
necessary for a prosperous community. Was there something you contributed to
your community this year? What can you do to help your community in 2013?
I didn’t kill the stupid people…. Is
that a community service? Sure feels like it some days.
24. Gift: We cannot deny that December seems to hold a great many
gift-giving holidays. What's the best gift you gave to someone else this year?
I’m giving this little person within
me the gift of life. It is the greatest gift one can give.
Cultivating Dreams:
25. Follow Your Heart: Did you follow your heart this year? Where will you
follow your heart to in 2013?
I followed my heart and will continue
to do so next year. I have no idea where it will take me, but I’m happy to
follow it.
26. Map: Imagine a map existed, guiding you towards your dreams. Try to
envision the route. How are you going to map out your dreams for 2013?
I’ve been trying to configure this
map for years. It doesn’t exist.
27. Action: You've envisioned your map -- now what's the next step? What
actions must you take to cultivate your dreams?
I’m going to re-direct you to #25.
28. Barriers: Roadblocks always seem to pop up. How can you plan for these
barriers that will inevitably thwart your plans?
There is no stopping the
road-blocking credit reporting agencies from continually adding the same
account to my credit report, dropping my score more and more. That is what’s
killing my dreams.
29. Achieve: Let's get even deeper into planning our next steps and ways
around barriers. Identify how you'd like to feel and live when you succeed with
your intentions. Review your map, actions, and barriers. What other things can
you do to reach your goals?
Sit back, have a beer and chill. Happiness
is a mindset.
30: Affirmation: The strongest way to empower yourself is to affirm
yourself and your goals. Write 10 affirmations to encourage you on your journey
to cultivate your dreams.
Eh, don’t feel like it.
Cultivate 2012 Intention for 2013:
31. Intention for 2013: Set your intention(s) for 2013.
I intend to be a thinner, healthier,
happier person.
