Wow! Where do I begin?
Moving on:
Now, moving on does NOT mean forgetting. I could never forget the tiny human I spent 9.5 months of pure hell growing within my womb. He was/is an amazing gift. I am so very sorry I will never get to experience his life outside of me.
In regards to moving on, I was finally able to do something I feel like I've needed to do for many months. Memorialize my son. Permanently. On my skin. I'd always wanted a tattoo but could never decide on the design or location. When our son, Avery, died, I knew. I didn't know exactly what at first, but I knew it would be for him. Weeks went by and I knew I wanted his footprints on my body. But where? I thought about it for a while. I even Googled "baby footprint tattoos." I saw many. One of which, was of a baby's footprints atop the feet of the adult (mother, father, etc.) I LOVED this! I knew that my son would be able to walk with me everywhere I go. I mean, I know he is with me, always. He's part of me. Somehow, this seems different. It's tangible. I can touch it. I can see it!
The experience:
I had virgin skin. Was I scared? A little. I was mostly concerned with the first contact the needle would make with my skin. Would I flinch? Would I cause some kind of permanent mistake? The first touch wasn't all that bad. As the artist moved the needles around a bit, my tuned changed. Quite quickly. Some areas weren't so bad and others were almost torturous. As soon as it was over, I felt no pain. My feet felt a little different, but I honestly cannot explain how. They just did. Overnight was fine, no mishaps or major hurdles. The following day, I fully expected some mild to moderate discomfort and swelling. NOTHING. While I will own to washing being a dream. I itch like mad! Like no itch I have ever had before. Even as I type this, I want to scour the tops of my feet with a Brillo pad they itchy so badly. I WILL NOT SCRATCH! Mind over matter!
While I'm still healing, I must say, I do love them! I love them so much. Do I regret it? Not in the least. Though, I feel as if one teeny, tiny part of my brain is in there screaming, "WHY?! Why did you do this?! You were perfectly plain and boring and now you're just a tattooed freak!" Not that I think people with tattoos are necessarily freaky. I was freaky enough without a tattoo. All in all, it was quite an experience and I would happily do it again.
Moving on:
Now, moving on does NOT mean forgetting. I could never forget the tiny human I spent 9.5 months of pure hell growing within my womb. He was/is an amazing gift. I am so very sorry I will never get to experience his life outside of me.
In regards to moving on, I was finally able to do something I feel like I've needed to do for many months. Memorialize my son. Permanently. On my skin. I'd always wanted a tattoo but could never decide on the design or location. When our son, Avery, died, I knew. I didn't know exactly what at first, but I knew it would be for him. Weeks went by and I knew I wanted his footprints on my body. But where? I thought about it for a while. I even Googled "baby footprint tattoos." I saw many. One of which, was of a baby's footprints atop the feet of the adult (mother, father, etc.) I LOVED this! I knew that my son would be able to walk with me everywhere I go. I mean, I know he is with me, always. He's part of me. Somehow, this seems different. It's tangible. I can touch it. I can see it!
The experience:
I had virgin skin. Was I scared? A little. I was mostly concerned with the first contact the needle would make with my skin. Would I flinch? Would I cause some kind of permanent mistake? The first touch wasn't all that bad. As the artist moved the needles around a bit, my tuned changed. Quite quickly. Some areas weren't so bad and others were almost torturous. As soon as it was over, I felt no pain. My feet felt a little different, but I honestly cannot explain how. They just did. Overnight was fine, no mishaps or major hurdles. The following day, I fully expected some mild to moderate discomfort and swelling. NOTHING. While I will own to washing being a dream. I itch like mad! Like no itch I have ever had before. Even as I type this, I want to scour the tops of my feet with a Brillo pad they itchy so badly. I WILL NOT SCRATCH! Mind over matter!
While I'm still healing, I must say, I do love them! I love them so much. Do I regret it? Not in the least. Though, I feel as if one teeny, tiny part of my brain is in there screaming, "WHY?! Why did you do this?! You were perfectly plain and boring and now you're just a tattooed freak!" Not that I think people with tattoos are necessarily freaky. I was freaky enough without a tattoo. All in all, it was quite an experience and I would happily do it again.
Tattoo is courtesy of wonderful friends and family who donated to my Paypal account. I wanted/needed this so badly, but could not afford it. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't ask for much. So when I do ask, it's REALLY important. They came through, in a big way. You all know who you are. I love you all so very much! Thank you for helping to make this dream a reality!Weight loss:
Nothing going on here. I can't say that I'm trying all that hard, I'm not. There's a LOT going on right now. A LOT! So let's just leave it at... I have not gained, I have not lost. It is what it is.
Life:
Well, my husband is starting his first new job in over a year and a half and it's in a much different field than he's used to. It's also third shift! It's going to be tough at home with a toddler and two boys, a teen in high school and not being able to flip our family to becoming night owls. I wish we could. We'll make it through this like we're making through everything else. One minute at a time.
I may be starting school again soon. As far fetched and foreign as it seems to me, this is most likely the right move to make at this point in time. Looking at an AA in IT/Networking. Hey, it makes the $$. I also plan to get an A+ cert. Which should not be hard considering I've been taking apart and putting together computers since we got our first back in late 2000. That's 11+ yrs of hardware experience with no training. I got this!
I think that's all for now. I'll try to keep y'all updated.
-Kelly
Nothing going on here. I can't say that I'm trying all that hard, I'm not. There's a LOT going on right now. A LOT! So let's just leave it at... I have not gained, I have not lost. It is what it is.
Life:
Well, my husband is starting his first new job in over a year and a half and it's in a much different field than he's used to. It's also third shift! It's going to be tough at home with a toddler and two boys, a teen in high school and not being able to flip our family to becoming night owls. I wish we could. We'll make it through this like we're making through everything else. One minute at a time.
I may be starting school again soon. As far fetched and foreign as it seems to me, this is most likely the right move to make at this point in time. Looking at an AA in IT/Networking. Hey, it makes the $$. I also plan to get an A+ cert. Which should not be hard considering I've been taking apart and putting together computers since we got our first back in late 2000. That's 11+ yrs of hardware experience with no training. I got this!
I think that's all for now. I'll try to keep y'all updated.
-Kelly
Thinking happy thoughts for you and your hubby! <3
ReplyDelete