First and foremost, forgive me. I have been a bad, bad blogger. I know there has not been a post from me in over 2 and a half years. That's a long time!
Update: A lot has happened in the last 2 1/2 years. A. LOT. My father-in-law passed away on January 1st, 2010. Three days later, I found out I was pregnant. Just 4 days after that, I started bleeding. I had what's referred to as a missed miscarriage. I spotted for well over 2 weeks before passing the "products of conception", as the hospital staff and doctor's office referred to my lost baby as. Fast forward just a few months later and I again am pregnant. I get my first positive test the day before our 15th wedding anniversary. (What a great gift!) This was the same day we were packing up to head south for our annual beach vacation (the very same one we skipped in 2009 because of money issues). The vaca went off without so much as a hiccup. We get home, 2 days later... you guessed it! I have now had 2 back-to-back miscarriages, exactly 4 months apart! (2/1/10 and 6/1/10) A few more months pass and I find myself pregnant again! Yes, again! Again, I was around the same gestation exactly 4 months later (10/1/10). This time, I did not miscarry. An ultrasound was done on 10/21/10 (exactly 9 wks gestation) and we found a tiny wiggly belly bean with a perfect little heartbeat! How exciting! On Jan. 21st, 2011, I had a 2nd trimester ultrasound and found out we were having a boy. Yay! His name was to be Avery Jackson Friend. A home birth was planned and the details are mostly long and boring. (2 prior c-sections and a history of being way overdue) I went into labor, on my own (for the very first time) the day before I was 42 weeks. June 8th, 2011. I labored long and hard for over 24 hours and was not progressing. Long story short... one cord prolapse, one ambulance ride and one truly emergent (2 minute) c-section later (for which I was knocked out), our baby was stillborn. A cord prolapse ended my son's life before he was born. He was gone before I went under. The doctor kept telling me that if we'd been there just a few minutes sooner... too little and far too late. It's not his fault. I know that. I thank him for having been able to so quickly get my baby out and try to save his life.
You know, they say everything happens for a reason. I used to wholeheartedly believe that. Now? Not so much. It's really difficult to find a reason for your child's death. I'm not the same person I was before. If I seem bitchier than usual, this is why. There's no excuse for being an ass, I know this. However, you walk a mile in my shoes... then judge me.
I love you so much, Avery! Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.
Update: A lot has happened in the last 2 1/2 years. A. LOT. My father-in-law passed away on January 1st, 2010. Three days later, I found out I was pregnant. Just 4 days after that, I started bleeding. I had what's referred to as a missed miscarriage. I spotted for well over 2 weeks before passing the "products of conception", as the hospital staff and doctor's office referred to my lost baby as. Fast forward just a few months later and I again am pregnant. I get my first positive test the day before our 15th wedding anniversary. (What a great gift!) This was the same day we were packing up to head south for our annual beach vacation (the very same one we skipped in 2009 because of money issues). The vaca went off without so much as a hiccup. We get home, 2 days later... you guessed it! I have now had 2 back-to-back miscarriages, exactly 4 months apart! (2/1/10 and 6/1/10) A few more months pass and I find myself pregnant again! Yes, again! Again, I was around the same gestation exactly 4 months later (10/1/10). This time, I did not miscarry. An ultrasound was done on 10/21/10 (exactly 9 wks gestation) and we found a tiny wiggly belly bean with a perfect little heartbeat! How exciting! On Jan. 21st, 2011, I had a 2nd trimester ultrasound and found out we were having a boy. Yay! His name was to be Avery Jackson Friend. A home birth was planned and the details are mostly long and boring. (2 prior c-sections and a history of being way overdue) I went into labor, on my own (for the very first time) the day before I was 42 weeks. June 8th, 2011. I labored long and hard for over 24 hours and was not progressing. Long story short... one cord prolapse, one ambulance ride and one truly emergent (2 minute) c-section later (for which I was knocked out), our baby was stillborn. A cord prolapse ended my son's life before he was born. He was gone before I went under. The doctor kept telling me that if we'd been there just a few minutes sooner... too little and far too late. It's not his fault. I know that. I thank him for having been able to so quickly get my baby out and try to save his life.
You know, they say everything happens for a reason. I used to wholeheartedly believe that. Now? Not so much. It's really difficult to find a reason for your child's death. I'm not the same person I was before. If I seem bitchier than usual, this is why. There's no excuse for being an ass, I know this. However, you walk a mile in my shoes... then judge me.
I love you so much, Avery! Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.
Avery Jackson Friend
Born sleeping June 9th, 2011 @ 10:07pm
Weight: 9lb, 1oz
Born sleeping June 9th, 2011 @ 10:07pm
Weight: 9lb, 1oz
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